Quick Note

I decided today that it is high time I catch up on my American music pop culture, so I went on YouTube and began watching music videos. Feel free to contest or echo my sentiments. Just in case anyone was wondering how I felt about this season's batch of media:

"Long Way to Go" by Cassie: Why is that girl always dancing in front of mirrors? I know she was a model and all, but I don't think the directors of her music videos should cater to such narcissism.

"Fergalicious" by Fergie: I will never eat cake again after seeing Stacy Fergeson rub it all over her body.

Girls: Who knew Beenie Man had such a washboard stomach? It does not, however, redeem him. And shame on him for allowing Akon in his video. Two ugly men surrounded by beautiful women…the everyman's dream, no?

"Jump" by Madonna: She looks like a Pink impersonater in that outfit. And she dances funny. Gotta give her credit though, she is 48. Maybe when I'm 48 I'll run around in tight leather outfits and dance around like that too. It might just be what happens at that age. My parents sure hid it well, though.

"Hurt" by Christina Aguilera: what is she doing on that elephant that merits a standing ovation? Nothing. I could sit on an elephant and no one would do anything, save for maybe permanently bar me from the zoo. Awfully melodramatic. I'll do an impression for you sometime, and it will mostly be me crying and falling down and reaching for no one in particular. Oscar material.

Letter to 50 Cent concerning his presence in "Hands Up" by Lloyd Banks: Dear Fiddy. You cannot sing. Please stick to what you're good at, like rapping and getting shot.

Rihanna's "We Ride" reminded me of Kae Chopin's book "The Awakening," at least in the beginning. I am also not impressed with her voice, her dancing, or her production. I begrudge Rihanna her fame.

"Promise" by Ciara: I want to figure out how to make a microphone do that gravity-defying trick. When God made Ciara, he said to her "Thou shalt have deadly dance moves, ridiculous abs, and always wear black." Ciara, the saint, rarely defies this decree. However, when God created Paris Hilton, he told her not to tease and tempt pubescent boys in her music videos. She didn't listen very well. I feel that her "Nothing in this World" video should be a little bit illegal.

K-Fed's "Lose Control": What can I say? He's hard now. We all knew this. I do not, however, condone rapping about money that he only recieves in his allowance from Britney. So what if his Ferrari cost more than my Sable? At least I bought it, stupidhead.

I also watched a black-and-white video of a guy dancing to Nelly Furtado's "Afraid," and was saddened by how cool he was trying to be. But I highly suggest it to other viewers. I got some great dance moves from it.