The Roundabout

Permit me to give you a little taste of what it is like to sign up for classes here at UCO. In principal, all one has to do is show up to the classes you want to take on the first day and tell the professor that you're going to be there for the rest of the semester. In actuality, one goes to information sessions about the institutes and the departments they encompass, leaves more confused than when one began, then is told that one cannot view the schedule or location of classes until later in the week. Later in the week one might visit the institute secretary's office to ask for "l'emploie du temps," or the schedule, only to be told that one must find the department secretary. One goes to the department secretary to find that she only works in the morning, and so one returns the following morning to find that on Wednesdays, a lot of French mothers do not work because there is no school on Wednesdays, or something like that.

One might also attempt to find a schedule for other departments, such as history or music, only to find that certain courses do not meet every week, but the dates when the course does meet are nowhere to be found. One asks a French student what one must do to find the information, and he cannot understand the inquiry because of one's thick American accent. Finally, he sends one to the institute secretary who is not very accommodating and becomes visibly frustrated when one cannot understand her rapid French. And so, one hopes that by the time Monday rolls around one can find the elusive secretary, not miss one's first day of classes (which all begin at different times, perhaps some this week), and perhaps even have a preliminary schedule for the next semester, but it is likely that one hopes in vain.
I hope you liked the taste of that better than I do.


Also, a brief note about Skype, about which I was so excited. It's more of a gripe about the users than the program itself. When I am connected to the internet I leave Skype on, just in case someone I know chances to be on at the same time. However, I did not realize that Skype also serves as an international IM service. I have gotten messages every day from single young men in all different countries (Morocco, China, India, Venezuela, Switzerland, to name a few) asking to be my friend, if I'm single and if I want a boyfriend. Now, call me old-fashioned, but I just prefer to form romantic relationships with people I can see. When I get a message from mmJkaaa, a young single Cambodian, asking if I have a boyfriend and if he can be mine, it's not difficult for me to turn him down.

Okay, I'll admit it. Sometimes it's just fun to mess with someone who's trying to start an IM flirtation session, especially when that person's first language is not English. I've only done it a couple of times, but it's just so darn easy to pretend I don't know what these people are talking about, the poor fools. The following is an actual Skype chat conversation in which I indulged when I was bored earlier. This kid is from Saudi Arabia, has one thing on his mind, and ought to be ashamed of himself. I did take some liberties with my relationship status, but for right now I am married to Jesus, so I figure it counts. I haven't edited it, but you'll understand better the ridiculousness of Skype chatting thanks to the uncensored state.

9/13/06 11:49 AM
mohamed barakat
hi

Laurel Ryan
hola

mohamed barakat
how r u

Laurel Ryan
glech, alright I suppose. I'm attempting to sign up for classes.

mohamed barakat
can we b frindes

Laurel Ryan
sure

...
Won't you be my neighbor?

mohamed barakat
how old r u

Laurel Ryan
over 20

...
under 25

mohamed barakat
r u mmarried

Laurel Ryan
No, but not single

mohamed barakat
u have boyfriend

Laurel Ryan
sure do

mohamed barakat
u [insert heart icon] him

Laurel Ryan
of course I heart him. Why else would he be my boyfriend?

mohamed barakat
can h be u boyfriend

Laurel Ryan
h? what?

mohamed barakat
nevermind

...
u love sex

Laurel Ryan
that's a little personal, don't you think?

mohamed barakat
i want to know

Laurel Ryan
Why?

mohamed barakat
as iformation

Laurel Ryan
nope. not telling.

mohamed barakat
r u beutiful?

Laurel Ryan
Inside and out.

mohamed barakat
inside?

...
what means

Laurel Ryan
I have a beautiful personality. And my organs are very good-looking.

mohamed barakat
can i see

Laurel Ryan
My organs?

...
Or my personality?

mohamed barakat
yes

Laurel Ryan
That was an either/or question.

mohamed barakat
u organs

Laurel Ryan
That would be a little difficult, seeing as how I like to keep them on the inside. But trust me, I have a gorgeous set of lungs. And my liver is sparkling clean.

mohamed barakat
i mean sexual organs

Laurel Ryan
That's not what I was talking about. But no, they stay on the inside of my body, too.

mohamed barakat
u have photo

Laurel Ryan
Of my innards? Negative. I'm not sure I want to see them. And plus, x-rays are expensive.

mohamed barakat
i want to see u extrnal

Laurel Ryan
Sorry, no can do.

mohamed barakat
why

Laurel Ryan
I have a phobia

Laurel Ryan
I'm going to go eat lunch now. Bye.


Seriously, I am going to go eat lunch now. Bye.